Monkey Business

Every day I continue to learn, to evaluate, to persist, to change, to grow

Today I received this email from a student:

"The book is just really expensive and considering this class serves me no purpose towards my career it really feels like a waste."

My first reaction was to feel sad, disappointed, and frustrated. But, then I felt an emotion that I didn't expect to feel, and that was gratitude. I felt so grateful that I had an open mind and appreciated my college experience. This allowed me to have so many rich experiences and be impacted in such profound ways; I learned something in every single class that I took and I don't consider anything that I did a waste. Every book, every class, every conversation has helped make me into the person that I am today and put me on the path to an amazing career and an amazing life. I would have missed out on so much if I were to have this mindset and it reminds me to continue to push myself to try harder and be open-minded when it comes to other areas in my life. I don't want to miss out on anything!

I share this because I was so excited today to recognize my transformation. I have had a tendency in the past to get defensive, to internalize other people's negativity and problems, to right away try to "fix" the situation and restore order, to react. But today I at first felt those feelings of disappointment and uncertainty, wondering what can I do other than what I already have to show students how important a class is, how politics affects them everyday of their lives, no matter what their major. The feeling of frustration rears its ugly head as I begin to wonder if what I say goes in one ear and out the other. But, these feelings were fleeting. And, then came those overwhelming feelings of gratitude that I described- knowing how many people and their presence has influenced me in such positive ways because I was open to it. There was the geology class that I didn't want to take because I was afraid that studying rocks would be boring. As it turns out, rocks are fascinating and so was my professor, a man who resembled a viking, but had the most gentle spirit and a quiet, but contagious enthusiasm for his subject. I was profoundly changed one day by his reaction to a preserved human body at a museum we were visiting in Austria. He quietly went up to the exhibit and in this moment his face transformed to one of awe, revealing a sense of amazement, a sense of wonder, and a sense of something larger than himself that seemed to radiate from the inside out. All I could think about was how I wanted to have this feeling, this sense of wonder, this child-like amusement, and this embodiment of peace that I saw in him. And that class is the reason that I wanted to go to Madagascar and hike among rare animals and interested terrain; at this moment I thanked myself for being open to him and to my other professors who taught me so much and still influence my life today. 

And, in this moment, I was also reminded to challenge myself everyday to not dwell in negativity and to be open to situations. In graduate school, I was not the perfect student. I was so stressed out by the demands of my program that I lost my joy and even my sense of self. But, I was open to learning and I still carry with me today the lessons from these challenges. And, I will try to encourage myself to learn from that mistake...do not become so stressed about something that you lose your joy and you lose your openness. If you close yourself off, you will miss something important. Currently, I tend to do this with my fitness pursuits. I am afraid to lift heavy, I am afraid to mess up a trick, I am afraid to look awkward in the air while all the dancers and gymnasts are the portrait of poised grace and perfection. I always say, "I am not an athlete." But today's email helped me not only to recognize the role that gratitude should be playing everyday in my life, and how important your attitude really is, but also that I have myself been narrow-minded about some things. I know that I am not a natural-born athlete, but I have been shutting myself off from my true potential . I know that I cannot be the best at everything and I do not need to hold myself to those standards. But, I need to open my mind and my heart. 

Thank you to this student who sent a flippant email, probably because he was in a bad mood or had extra text messages to burn; as someone who can be at times negative and can be really hard on myself, this email reminded me of what a positive outlook can bring to a person, and forced me to continue to improve myself. I am not the best and I handle situations in a less than optimal fashion sometimes, but I took a lesson from this exchange today. It is not about you. This student might have had a million reasons for writing such a rude email, but none of them had anything to do with me. How could it? I don't even know him and the course just started. He doesn't know anything about me or my classes to know that they are a waste or not relevant to his future career. I can't control him or his attitude, but I can control mine. I can look at myself and say, "you need to be more open-minded, too." 

With that being said, I read this article today (serendipity?) and it really resonated with me. The bottom line: don't let other people get to you :)

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12357/how-to-deal-when-people-are-driving-you-nuts.html

Some of the best moments of my life....

Just over two years ago I attended a conference in Kampala, Uganda. As I have always been fascinated by animals, I made a point to visit and do some short-term volunteer work at two of the animal sanctuaries in the area. It was during this time that I met these two young chimps, Otim and Kasumba. Kasumba was a gentle soul and he wanted to be held all of the time and when he was not in my arms, he was clinging to my legs. He would always look up at me with his penetrating eyes and it was then that I fell in love with him. His brother Otim was very lively and had lots of energy. He never seemed to want to be held, but he loved to grab his brother out of my arms and pull him down to the ground when I was holding him .He was independent and though they were in such sharp contrast to each other in their demeanor, they were inseparable. They boys complemented each other, like Yin and Yang; they could not be more different, yet they could not live without each other. They were not biological brothers but had become as twins, always walking together, in the same stride, arms around each other. It wasn't uncommon for them to go up and hug one another. They were quite small at this time, only about two years old, and had been through a journey, coming to the Center as orphans and growing up only in each other's company.

And then I got to return in January of 2014 and see how much they have grown and see their transition from the quarantine as small infants and toddlers to the Chimp Island. They  have not yet been integrated with the older chimps, but they have certainly taken a step towards that. When I visited them, I was surprised because Otim came up first. He literally just jumped in my arms. And not for a second. He wanted to be held.  I am not sure how long I held him, but it surprised me since he is now considered the alpha among the four younger, male chimps. In fact, a snake got into their enclosure one evening and Otim stood tall and puffed his chest out making noises at the snake while the three others anxiously stood behind him. It was priceless to see such a strong boy, a leader, take his guard down and allow himself to be cuddled and loved. The best moment came toward the end of my visit as we walked back toward the Chimp House for breakfast, as Kasumba grabbed my pant legs and then tried to jump in my arms. I thought Otim would try to get down, but he allowed me to shift him entirely to my left arm so that Kasumba could come up on my right side. And, so I held both of the boys for some time, in the midst of the greenery and the sounds of the birds chirping. I could hear nothing else during that time except their song, the rustling of leaves, and the beating of my own heart. And, these were some of the best moments of my life.